Runnin’ Down a Dream, Literally.

According to a Latin proverb, “fortune favors the brave.”  

It’s not often that a pinterest-worthy quote actually sticks with me.  The summer brought with it a multitude of excitement, challenges, and frustrations.  Yet whenever I have felt slightly adrift or scattered lately, this little voice keeps reminding me, “Hey Shug, fortune favors the brave!”  I think I may have found my life motto.

I am running my first full marathon on October 7th in Portland, Oregon.  If the good lord is willing and creek does not rise, these short legs will carry me 26.2 miles across one of my favorite cities.  I decided that I wanted to complete a full marathon before I turn 30 this December.  Back in March, I started training with a miserable six mile run.  There was still snow on the ground, the wind and steep hills were miserable, and I felt like I had made a mistake of epic proportions.  How in the hell am I going to do this?!  I’m not physically capable of running that far!  Last weekend, I completed my final long run of twenty miles, in just shy of four hours.

I’ve been running for about a decade now.  I remember during my first 5k my ankle went numb.  My first 10k ended with me barely making it across the finish line before vomiting.  Needless to say, I did not make the cover of Runners World.  However, my first half marathon left me feeling empowered and invigorated. And then I turned 29 last December and had a total meltdown.  In a typical millennial fashion, I found myself in the midst of an existential crisis and decided that a dare to be great situation was the only solution for my fear of turning 30.  So, I hastily signed up for the Portland Oregon Marathon, aka Portlandathon, and training began. What better way to end my roaring 20s?!

In June, I did the Asheville Half Marathon, exactly six days after having all four wisdom teeth removed.  The second half marathon did not go as swimmingly as the first.  As it turns out, infected gums, warmer than average temperatures, humidity, and Appalachian hills make for a miserable race.  My average pace slowed down by almost a minute and I lost two toenails.  I was reminded of a sermon I heard from a sharp-dressed AME preacher while working on the Obama campaign in Charleston, who very bluntly said, “Ain’t nothin’ to it, but to do it.”  Amen.  Fortune favors the brave.

Almost all of my Saturdays since March have consisted of running, and running, and more running.  To be fair, I skipped plenty of weekends due to travel, vacations, bad weather, and sheer exhaustion.  But the longer the runs, the harder it gets mentally. I had no idea how lonely of a sport running can be.  Just you and your thoughts.  Running is incredibly therapeutic, but there are only so many podcasts and playlists you can listen to before getting bored or going crazy.  Truth be told, the podcasts Up and Vanished and Wild Ideas Worth Living definitely helped me squeeze in a few more miles.  

Then you have days where everything just hurts – stressful workweek, fighting with a guy, failed to eat enough carbs that morning, stayed up too late, drank too much, lost another toenail, hot weather, bluetooth headphones died, patella tendonitis is flaring up, fresh blisters, etc.  There were quite a few of those days over the last few months, where I had to ask myself “why am I doing this?”  The answer?  Because I can do anything.  I get to wake up early and sacrifice half my Saturday; I do not have to run. I get to run.   

Good ol’ Merriam Webster defines “brave” as follows:  

1. having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : having or showing courage.

There you have it.  To use Brene Brown’s phrasing, braving the wilderness has different meanings to everyone – it is very subjective.  Sometimes it is having the courage to be completely and unapologetically honest, with yourself, and others.  Sometimes it is about making yourself vulnerable to people who will, or already have, hurt you.  And then sometimes, braving the wilderness is knowing when it is time to throw in the towel, walk away, and put an end to certain chapters.  It’s a bittersweet happiness to treasure things that are vanishing, but not every character makes it till the end of your story.  

In the words of Cheryl Strayed, “I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”  

And then sometimes, being brave means lacing up your running shoes at 6am on a Saturday to tackle something you never ever thought you were physically or mentally capable of doing. Fortune favors the brave.

Until next time, y’all.  With love, from Asheville.

-Shug

Runnin’ Down a Dream – Tom Petty

Yeah runnin’ down a dream
That never would’ve come to me
Workin’ on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads
Runnin’ down a dream

I rolled on as the sky grew dark
I put the pedal down to make some time
There’s something good waitin’ down this road
I’m pickin’ up whatever’s mine

I’m runnin’ down a dream
That never would’ve come to me
Workin’ on a mystery, goin’ wherever it leads
Runnin’ down a dream